At 32, I can quite confidently say that my teenage years are long over. And perhaps my young adult days are becoming just… adult days.
By the number of years that have passed, and according to all of society’s expectations, I should be someone, somewhere, by now. I’m quite sure that it’s not me, in my current state.
I feel like a kid. At most, maybe a teen.
Definitely not like a university graduate, someone who has built and crashed businesses, met and interviewed some of Singapore’s most successful, or was once in a long relationship.
I’ve lived a life, seen and experienced things.
But if you met me, your instant impression would most probably be: a happy-go-lucky girl.
And a girl I most definitely am not.
Women in their 30s
Here’s a list — well, they’re all celebrities, and not the best role models, but I don’t really know anyone else: :
- Adele, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne, Rita Ora
- Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, Tessa Thompson, Brie Larson, Gemma Chan
- Emma Watson, Evanna Lynch, Bonnie Wright
- Jenna Coleman, Karen Gillan, Billie Piper
- Lea Michele, Dianna Agron
- Melissa Benoist, Caity Lotz, Ruby Rose
- Gal Gadot, Margot Robbie
- Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt
- Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow
- Jennifer Lawrence, Jameela Jamil
- Emma Stone, Emilia Clarke
- Blake Lively, Keira Knightley
- Amanda Seyfried, Amanda Bynes
- Lily James, Mia Wasikowska
- Aubrey Plaza, Kristen Stewart
- Teresa Palmer
- Julianne Hough
(Dudes include Henry Cavill, Chris Hemsworth, Simu Liu, Andrew Garfield, Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton, Robert Pattinson, Grant Gustin, Chris Colfer, Freddie Highmore, Dan Stevens.)
Harry Potter stars Emma Watson, Evanna Lynch and Bonnie Wright clearly don’t seem like kids any more, and the other youngest in this group — Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lawrence and Rita Ora — are definitely adults.
The Devil Wears Prada ladies Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt are the oldest on this list, and I can look up to them as women with grace and maturity.
There’s lots to learn from them, but I’ll take the easiest first.
They figured out their version of beautiful
Every woman looks different, but they have each found a version of beauty that works for them. From Ruby Rose’s cool dark masculine edge to Taylor Swift’s light feminine comfy glam. When it works, their beauty, personality, and presence shines.
Looking through their pictures…
- Why does Ruby look better in black, leather and leggings, instead of a frilly yellow dress?
- Why does Taylor look better in light colours and fits, and less like herself in dark colours and looks?
Something about their look, and their personality, matches with the clothes they wear. And I want to figure those rules out.
They take care of themselves
Celebrities get a lot of attention. And with that attention comes a lot of scrutiny, and a lot of comments (from people who neither know nor care about them, and yeah, I’m adding myself to that list because here I am writing about them).
Some celebrities stay away from social media. Some don’t Google themselves. Some only hear things in the “news” when their friends or family mention it. Those who are on social media might have a team that manages the accounts for them, or if it’s them, they know that they can brush off what doesn’t matter.
They take breaks when they need it, surround themselves with people who keep them grounded, and focus on what truly matters — work, loved ones, causes, wellness.
They find ways to be themselves whether the camera is on or off.
They are daughters, mothers, aunts, nieces, friends, lovers, partners… They still go grocery shopping, head out to eat, and go to the gym…
Oh, on food and fitness: though celebrities are pressured to stay slim, there is something awesome about knowing that you look good, and feeling that boost to your mood and confidence.
And I want that for myself too. To learn to do things for me and take care of myself better.
They know that mistakes can be managed
Scandal! Breaking news! And now they’re the talk of the town! (Just, at this level of fame, the town is the entire world.)
They’re human. We’re human. And therefore mistakes will be made.
There is no pressure to be perfect. Only to make things right:
- When the wrong thing is said or done, and someone is hurt, an apology is in order.
- When things are a complete accident — a stumble, a fall — no harm done, simply laugh it off.
- When things are misunderstood or misinterpreted, either correct it, or ignore the idiots.
- When something cannot be addressed, do better.
Some mistakes involve only two people. Then they focus on that other person, telling everyone else to give them space and privacy.
Some mistakes cross the line of what society accepts as decent. When this happens there is nothing that one can do or say to make it right. To the ones who are hurt they make amends the best they can, and then move forward to do better.
In every case, people will understand, forgive, forget, and/or move on to the next thing that’s exciting enough to fill their heads.
I should learn to get rid of the idea that a mistake means the end of the world. A mistake just means I’m human, with much to learn.
And since mistakes will happen, I should learn how to properly apologise. (It turns out that there are better ways than just saying “I’m sorry.”)
They commit to trying
In the list above are women who can sing, act, dance, model, direct, write, produce, and change the world as activists. (And that’s just work.)
They have amazing careers, but it didn’t happen overnight. It takes years and effort and a build up. Many hustled, took jobs that weren’t the main role, and gave themselves time. Some succeeded in one role before choosing to learn something new. Others gave things their best, found it didn’t suit them, and recommitted to another journey.
Every celebrity will have a story of jobs that they didn’t get, the pressures they had and have to face, the times when things didn’t work out.
Yet they still kept going, still worked hard, and probably got lucky.
Multi-hyphenate women try, and keep trying. And whether they find success or find a story, they keep moving on to the next thing.
That’s a good line, isn’t it? We either find success, or find a story. (Yup, self-praise. 🙂 )
They have a grasp of who they are
Funny, quirky, shy, mature, elegant, graceful, outspoken… They don’t apologise for it. They don’t try to change. They just try to be the best version of themselves.
The ones who are intelligent and intellectual don’t try to dumb down. The ones who love a laugh and a smile share that light. The ones who hold themselves with a little distance, away from the crowd or away even from the person they’re talking to, they do so with assurance.
And I envy them, that understanding, confidence, authenticity. I want the same, and I want to know how.
Does confidence comes from exposure? They’ve tried out different roles, told different stories, experienced different lives… Is that why they can say, “this is who I am, and this is who I’m not”?
Does understanding come from something inside, a knowingness of “this is me”?
Or is authenticity a process, something seen at the end instead of at the beginning?
Going through life knowing who we are is amazing.
Women!
Women are amazing.
Beautiful, human, caring, committed, authentic…
(None of these “lessons” are mind-blowing, or life-changing, or something completely new. These are just the basics.
But that’s what I need right now, the basics.
The basics are so simple and easy that they’re forgettable. No one talks about them enough. And without that spotlight, I don’t see the lesson.
Like sleep, or food, or exercise — we know that we need them, and to do them well for a good life, but then — we forget. We stay up late, eat whatever’s easy and tasty, and then decide to lie down for a little, longer, while.)
So let me repeat that again: Women are beautiful, human, caring, committed, authentic… amazing.
When it comes to being a woman, a young adult in her 30s… There are women who are seeing great success, and there are women who, like me, are still trying. Still learning.
Being a woman means that we can do many things. That we can do anything. And that we should go do it. As humanly and authentically as possible.
So perhaps right now I’ve got a few more answers, and a lot more questions.
There’s more to learn.
It’s progress.
(That’s probably also part of being a woman too.)
❤️🌧️
Image of a flower bouquet being held up by design. meliora from Pixabay.
