I had a lazy headache-y day, and ended it with a line dancing class and West Coast Swing socials, but left earlier than usual because I wanted to go home.
I was missing my boyfriend, strangely, and I just wanted to go home. In an ideal world, I’d be going home to him. But since we’re not living together (yet?) I just came home to my room.
Some social media post put this idea in my brain:
When you’re in love, life is a little less when they’re not around.
It’s not like you cannot live without the person, or that you no longer see beauty.
You’re still living. You still see beautiful things.
But the experience is less because they’re not there to share them with you.
I wondered if I was losing a bit of my spark because I’ve grown overly-reliant on spending time with my boyfriend.
But I think what’s really happened is that he’s been such a pillar and so stable and so comforting that I’m finding home in his person.
I still enjoy my time — I’m liking having my bed in my room with the fan on, a cool breeze while I’m typing at a questionable hour, while I look out to the cloudy purple night sky — but while I was out and there were swirling crowds, music and dancing, things that generally bring me joy, I just wanted to be comfortable at home with my baby.
We’ll be boring people, I think, staying home and reading a book or playing a game or watching a show. Sipping on a hot drink and curled up on the couch (okay that’s me more than him).
And I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.
~*~*~
The other thought floating about in my mind and not letting me sleep until I’ve gone and typed out a bunch of letters is this:
It’s the 22nd of December, and I’m starting to wonder about the next year.
Which might be a new thing for me, because I can’t remember if I’ve wondered about the coming year before. (then again, spaghetti memory.)
But it seems that I’m leaning towards wanting to do my own thing next year, and properly.
I’m in real estate, and the current idea is to give it one more year.
The people I’ve told this to seem to understand it as “it’s make-or-break”, but that’s not exactly what I mean. They think it’s money, and I’ve never been bothered by that.
And whoever my manager, or their upline is, I know I’m stubborn and will only listen to myself.
So my mind came up with two hopefully helpful solutions.
One, I start a series on real estate, answering questions, and talking about projects. This would look client-focused, but it’s just me shoring up my knowledge.
Two, I start a series on real estate sales, as in the role of a property agent, going from scratch and learning about the trade. It looks like I’m helping other newbies, but I’m actually helping myself.
Since I won’t listen to anyone else, hopefully I’ll manage to talk to me and get through to myself.
(Because if I have to go through another “think about your parents, don’t you want to give them a better life?” Imma dig in so hard I’ll earn zero money just so I don’t give my parents anything.)
The first post on the real estate side would be about buying your first property at 35, since that’s where I am, and I’m about to help a friend with the same questions.
The first post on the real estate side would be answering this question: How do you define success?
And I should be starting another post, but I’m finally sleepy and tired and my eyes want to close, even though my rainbow-LED keyboard is pretty and I wanna keep typing on it…
But just to throw in the final thought before I go to sleep — defining success is completely individual, earning a million dollars isn’t everyone’s dream.
The difference huge, and to borrow the idea from the dating side of life, it’s like dating to get married, versus dating for the plot.
I’ll stay in real estate — I’ll define it as a successful year — if I manage to integrate real estate into my life. The way I’ve integrated writing and blogging. If I want to do something for the sake of doing it, and not because I’m motivated by the money or whatever else that may or may not come at the end of it.
I can control doing the work, and learning what I can, and whether I go out and meet people. I can control my confidence through competence. I can do the work until it’s just a part of my life.
Then at the end of next year (ohhh waitt. I have wondered about the coming year before. That’s where Dear 2024 me, happened… lol)
Then at the end of next year I’ll know if I want to stay in the real estate sales industry or not.
I’ll either be doing real estate, or I’m not.
Okay I don’t know if any of this makes sense. I’ll check tomorrow.
It’s 3:24 am and the night is perfectly cool and I want sleep.
Good nighty
💖🌧️
