What’s home? A place to love. To love me. My body, my mind, my heart, and an actual physical home that I’ve made myself.
I want to dedicate my life to physical, mental, emotional wellness. I want to write, also, about home and the things that happen in it.
It’s a 180 direction change because I’ve loved adventure and I’ve chased it outside of myself and outside of my home for all my life.
“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell…”
Belle, Beauty and the Beast, Howard Ashman and Alan Menken.
In Beauty and the Beast, Belle sang about it, wanting to get away from her village. In Aladdin, Princess Jasmine wanted to get away from the palace home that just made her feel trapped. They each found far-off places, magic spells, a prince in disguise, a whole new world.
And I remember reading a short story of a young boy and his grandmother in a train station, caught in the madness of rush hour commuting — as the boy tried to make sense of the chaos, his grandmother looked down and whispered, “Now this… is an adventure!”
The song lyrics and stories stuck.
It felt like a great way to look at the world. A walk, a train ride, going out and experiencing everyday life? An adventure!
So I spent all my time outside of my house. I enthusiastically participated in school, extra activities, work, relationships… I tried everything that took me far and wide. Did anything so long as it counted as an adventure.
Made some really bad decisions.
I spiralled out and then swung just as hard in the opposite direction: Implosion.
I lost everything in one fell swoop and found myself back in my room, in my parents’ house. My business had failed. I separated from the person I loved and had called my best friend. My greatest nightmares and fears had come true.
(Ergo the new name, the new blog, and a new beginning.)
Then last night, sitting in bed, I realised that I was just looking for home. I was just looking for happiness. I was looking for a place to love me.
I thought I had to find all of that outside. All that yearning for adventure was just a misplaced yearning to belong, be loved.
Belle had wanted more from life and she wanted to be understood. Jasmine wanted to be seen as her own person and to choose her own life. The grandmother and the boy? She wanted to make sure he could feel open to the experience, feel assured enough to navigate life.
It wasn’t exactly adventure that they wanted, though it was part of a solution.
I guess it’s part of mine too. I no longer want to look for adventure and magic outside. My next adventure is within.
It’s going to start with me, from home, inside.
💕🌧️
Image of waffles, berries, coffee, milk, and a laptop on a bed by Tikovka1355 from Pixabay.
Because I’m starting again, a new day, and this breakfast looks so good.
