Four different sources recently pointed out that I overthink things: a course that calculates one’s personality by date and time of birth, a new friend who’s become really close, a new 16 Personalities result, and a mentor.
Hey when something happens thrice, you gotta notice, right? This is the fourth mention.
Yet when my mentor pointed it out, adding that I probably couldn’t sleep easily, because I think so much, I still didn’t believe it. “No, I fall asleep easily!” I told him. He didn’t believe me.
Well.
Eating those words now, at 1 am in the morning, having crashed in bed early from exhaustion and waking up because the weather’s turned warm and a bunch of idiots decided 1 am was a great time to create a ruckus…
When my brain started wandering through the memories of the last few months — of a bootcamp, of conversations, of revelations — and wondered if there were more things I didn’t notice or realise…
Here’s just a snippet of the train of thoughts:
I don’t overthink things, and I sleep so easily!
Well, right now I’m not falling asleep — but because it’s too warm, and noisy.
I *think* things, and it’s because I’m just trying to protect myself. Remember what happened when I didn’t? (Recent memory of trouble plays.)
So I have to think, it’s not overthinking.
And even if I do overthink, how do you stop overthinking?
(I recall a blog post I was reading on Introvert Dear, a TikTok video on goals and feminine energy, what I’ve realised about the bootcamp through my mentor, and summarise…)
Well yeah, so I pick what’s important, and once I’ve made that decision, focus on that and taking action on it, every single day.
That seems to easy.
Wait, I that means I am overthinking!
And though this was close to the end, I still carried on, rolling about trying to get comfortable, until I decided I’d get up to type this.
How to stop overthinking?
Pick your goals, and once you’ve made that decision, focus on them, and take action on them, every single day.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
There is no one perfect plan that will lead things through to the end. There is no way to prepare for every single possibility.
Panaceas don’t exist. We’re not an omnipotent being. We’re human beings.
And I’m not even going to say “we do what we can”, because what I can do is overthink.
We do something, receive the feedback, and adjust.
We focus on the goal, and take the tiniest action that will bring us closer to the goal. Move the needle just a little closer.
On bad/sad/difficult days, sometimes that’s enough. On good/great/amazing days, then we take another tiny action, and another, and another, on repeat.
Focus on the now.
(I’m reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, and making a mental note to listen to the audiobook. Update: Started listening. Hm.)
Here’s the example my mentor gave me:
“You want to pass your name card because you want them to buy or sell with you, right? That’s the end goal. That’s how you think. Correct?”
(I nod.)
“I want to pass them the name card. That’s it.”
The people who make it are the people who don’t think too much.
I used to say that line in a really prejudiced, better-than-you tone. I’m glad to say I’m now disgusted and ashamed of my past self, because it means I’ve grown.
The line between:
- People who have thought through their goals, and are decisively taking action; and
- People who follow instuctions and don’t think at all,
finally exists.
The thinking is done, the plans have been decided, and action needs to be made.
Once we know our goal, we know what we have to do, and when we’ve broken it down to the smallest step, the thinking has to end.
Do what we need. Focus on that.
No wondering about the perfect way, or what the others will think, or allow the “how dare you, what makes you think you can/should/have the right?” to take over.
(It’s 2:29 am, I am hungry, and I want a snack. Be right back.
2:47 am, six cookies and a candy apple later.)
Sometimes it’s easier than you think.
The systems likely already exist. There have been people who have walked the path we’re on, and have succeeded. We just have to follow.
There’s no shame in following, and if there isn’t a real need to create a new, ever-seen-before way, why not go where it can be easier?
In real estate sales there is no magic formula that’s held secret. It’s prospecting, every day. It’s knocking on doors, making the calls, connecting and talking to people. It’s knowing your stuff, and gaining more knowledge, and growing our business by solving people’s problems. Repeat, and scale when you can.
In writing there is no new story to be told. Every story has already been written, told, repeated. Yet we fall in love with the same fundamentals time and time again. It’s a love story, it’s overcoming barriers and obstacles and conflict, it’s characters we care for going on a journey. Like fanfiction au (alternate universe?), we want the same, but different. Just enough to fall in love again.
And in life the same applies. Eat well, sleep enough, stay active. Heal your traumas, take responsibility for yourself, learn how to grow. Love yourself, love the people around you, make meaning out of this chaos called life. And do it again.
Even when it comes to blogging like this, I don’t have to say something so different, so unique, so marvellously mind-blowing, for me to sit down and type. I just need to want to do it, and to actually do the work of putting one word after another. I don’t have to change the world. But if I do manage to create something that helps one other person, I’d like that to happen. Still, that’s outside of my control.
What I can control is what I do.
So if the systems exist, if the fundamentals are there, if we already know what we want to do, and all we have to do is to do it, stop thinking.
Move.
Bonus: how to be brave
Sometimes, it’s not about the thoughts. It’s about the feelings.
We think too much because we’re afraid.
Courage and bravery is knowing that you’re afraid, and choosing to do it anyway.
We’ve got space inside us for all our feelings. We can be scared, and then go, “huh, I’m feeling scared”, and we’ve accessed a deeper part of ourselves.
We’re more than just a single feeling.
When things get too much, we can notice the feelings, and then turn our attention to making space for them.
Call it mindfulness, meditation, the meta-self, we can let the feeling pass, or if they don’t fly through we can sit with our feelings, lovingly say thank you to the panic and anxiety and fear and overwhelm that wants to keep us safe, and then choose to do what we want to do.
And still move.
So perhaps it’s not about stopping the thoughts and stopping the feelings. It’s noticing that we’re not in control, and allowng that awareness to lead towards calm, and focus, and towards action.
(It’s 3:50 am in the morning, the rain is falling, and I should go back to bed.
Good night.)
Note to self: pick your goals. Also, finish this post with a picture, excerpt, and a read though.
❤️🌧️
